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I suffer from a chronic condition. Aside from my asthma, I mean. I have a bad, ongoing case of Foot-In-Mouth Disease. I suffer recurring bouts of this condition, causing me - or my nearest & dearest - various amounts of embarrassment.
Hmmm... Like the time I was at my boyfriend's house, aged 16, for a family meal. We had a big Chinese takeaway and it was lovely. A's mum, dad & brother were there, along with his grandma and Uncle John, who lived in the same village. Nice meal, good evening... so, I helped with the washing up in the kitchen, along with Mum B and Uncle John. Uncle John was drying up and he dropped a dish, which smashed on the floor. Before I had thought about it, my mouth sprang into action (it's always doing this to me - my mouth speaks before my brain has given permission!). "Never mind," said I, encouragingly, "it was an accident." - this being what our mum used to say, if we dropped a plate when we were small; I suppose she wanted to spare our feelings, as we must have looked so upset. However, Mum B. did Not appreciate this.... who can blame her? John should have been more careful... he was a "grown-up" after all. Those were her best plates - a cherished wedding present. John was in the dog-house and I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me.... Cringe!!
I have had numerous such incidents over the years. The sort of stuff which, when you remember - which you can't help doing - you find yourself still cringing and sucking in your breath with embarrassment. I've managed to forget many of them now (I suppose that as you grow older, some things are less important anyway, even if they were amazingly embarrassing at the time). Still, it's just as well that I forget long-past events, seeing as I'm so good at adding new faux-pas to the list....
Like Friday evening. DS had Trampoline Club, so I took him along and DH came with us, as he worked at home on Friday. All going well, boy busy bouncing, me & DH playing games with his i-pod touch thingy.
We got to the last 5 mins of the session and the kids started arriving for the next session. One of the mums came and sat near us, as it was cold and we were by the radiator.
She and I started to chat and the conversation got round to how the sports centre hadn't changed much, since she had been coming to use it as a school-girl - "a million years ago...", chipped in Lizzie - "... 30 years ago..."
And we got onto the subject of the decor - the paint is still the same colour - and how the radiators are still the exact same ones... "We used to sit on them to keep warm..."
"They must have been solidly built," said I...
On the way out, DH said, "I can't believe you said those things! And I can't believe the other lady didn't seem to notice either."
"I said what? Noticed what?"
"When she said they used to come here when she was at school, you said 'A million years ago.' Then, when she was talking about sitting on the heaters, you said 'They must have been strongly built.'! You as good as called her really old and fat. I can't believe she didn't notice."
So, have I stopped cringing yet? I certainly didn't all the way home - no less because DH went on, and on, and on about it, all the way.... he thought it was very funny. No use trying to explain what I really did mean... Arrrrgggh....
Do they have a cure for Foot-In-Mouth Disease? Anyone? One of these days, I may just die of it, you know!